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Cougar's Battle 9: Barack Obama VS Nate Johnson
Obama.jpg|Barack Obama VS.jpg N8_Jhonsen.jpg|Nate Johnson. Description A real life great socialist President VS Red Dead Redemption's minor villain. For more information about the combatants see the biographies below. Character Biographies Obama Obama is the son of a white hippy named Ann Dunham, and a Hawaiian economist named Barack Saddam Hussein Obama Sr. His parents met during their college days in Hawaii and decided to smoke a joint after having sex. Two years after, his father left the family home to establish new subsidiary in Kenya and getting a political office as Minister of Econotuya. The jilted mother sought another husband and married an Indonesian named Lolo; the life of Anna Dunham was successfully brought to the field of music by Tupac Shakur in his song Brenda's got a baby. He studied at prestigious universities under the tutoring of the great George Soros, who had in mind the conquest of global financial markets with a mole president in the White House. His power was almost destroyed when Frank Kenson tried to seize control in 2012. Nate Johnson Mayor Nate Johnson is first referred in 1887 by Mrs. Dicktiss, who was one of two women sitting behind John in the opening titles of the game of Red Dead Redemption and first cutscene in "Exodus in America." She believes that Nate Johnson's family is "hillbilly trash that came here after the war" (this is implying the Civil War). He is then referred to by the other woman sitting behind Jhonni, Mrs. Borlinghathen, who says: "It seems that money can buy voters, though." Meanwhile, Johnson became obsessed with owning Boonie MacFarlane's range. When she refused to sell it, Nate would have his men try to intimidate MacFarlane into selling the ranch, but still failed as she killed all of his hired guns. Interlude (Obama's compound, Washington DC., 9:20 PM 20 December, 2018.) *Osama's servant steps into Obama's throne room and tells him personally about the Death Beetle* Teh Servant: Sire, you will have a fight with the Republican President from the 1880's in Charleston, West Virginia, according to this piece of command. *Throws the flyer demanding the beetle on his desk* Obama: Uuuhhh, of curse! Like I beat that o' Borlinghathen foo' I'll beat this cracka up too. With my fists this thyme. Even on his hometurf, he shan't have a chance to get the better of me. Besides, he's from the thymes when America was not nearly advanced as it is today. Servant: Yes... Of curse! You're right, sire, u r. Obama: Welp, better get to that o' forest county and show him what communism ist all about! Servant: Yup. (Obama stands up from his throne, steps on his servant over who lied on a ground like a doormat for his Outworld Lord) (He goes out of his mansion, kisses his family goodbye before doing so and gets into his limo to drive to the airport which will take him to WV) (Nate Johnson's Mansion, Great Plains in Gold Town, WV, same date.) Johnson: *Yawns in his office* This place reeks of libtards! How did we get this far??? I remember the good o' days when the blacks-*His servant quickly runs into the office and as he is running, trips on the ground, sending the flyer of the Deed Beetle flying right into his reppy-preppy face* Servant: Sorry, sir! *Gets up, all scarred and scared* Jhonson: *With disgust on his face* WTF is this!? Servant: Well, ummm... the thing is... uhh... Jhonsen: SPEAK UP!!! Servant: *Shivers and hides behind his chair* You... c... ummm-eh... Well,... Jhonson: SPEEK WHEN U R SPOKEN TO! Servant: Just open the fricken' flyer! *Stops hiding* Nate: Fairly well then. *Wipes his forehead and opens it* A date beetle with... WITH... OSAMA BIN LIFTIN' HIMSELF?! I mean Obama. Servant: Huh? The former US presidente? Jhonson: No Hispanic language, pls. And yus - Obama himself! I MUSTN'T PASS UP A CHANGE LIKE THIS! I'll show that libtard what US is all about! YOU BETCHA'! Servant: When and where shall u fight? Jhonson: In Charleston, this county. Servant: Ooohhh... yus! N8: Yup. Gotta go there now! The Arabic Primce (referring racily to his enemy, Osama) is probably waiting for me. I bet Obama will have bombs! Servant: Bee careful, MiLord. Jhosnon: I always AM. (Gets his rich, spoiled s from his chair and heads into his stagecoach where he is driven straight to Charleston) *Finally in Charleston, Jhonsen and Obama came face to face with each other - 2 former Presidents from each party at each otter's throats* Obama: Uuuhhh... your fascist butt finally showed up, Natey? Jhosnon: Speek ur last! I will send you back to Iraq AND Outworld in a box! In 3 pieces, mind u! Death Battle Johnson gets closer and closer to his rival as does Barrack, and then they booth grab each other's shoulders and try to get the upper hand, Obama gets it. Barry punches him twice in the stomach and kicks him once on the ground. Nate tries to get up but gets jumped upon by his advisory who chokes him with everything he's got. Despite Barri's power, Mate struggles out, turns around on the ground, making Osama lay on the ground back first and before he can get up kicks him 4 times in the nuts, then stomps 'em around some more. Obama struggles on the ground, having his bowls hurt, but manages to trip Nate over with his feet, making him catch himself on the ground thanks to his alarming arms. As Jhonsen gets up, for a surprise attack: Joe Biden punches him with an axe handle (wrestling move) from behind, knocking him down again. Joey quickly gets Osama on the feet, who is doing his best to compete despite the groin shots. He kind of succeeds as he starts kicking Johnson down to the ground for at least a minute and spits on him. Joe then kicks him twice in the head too, making his lips bleed and breaking his glasses. Obama taunts him with anti-right slurs but then finally turns to Biden and exclaims: "Lets finish this... GIMMIE THE LIGHTSABER!" "Biden: Huh? Barack: U have it, don't ya, bro? Joe: Oh - right!" While Johnson is struggling the ground from his pain still, Barack is given a large, purple lightsaber by Joe who stabs it through Johnson's back right through his heart, too. Nate dies after breathing his finally breath and is stomped on again by Joe a few times. Barry and Joe then turn around and Obama is seen walking towards his limo, killing Nate and winning the beetle. Results (Obama won as it couldn't be better and defeated the o' klansman of a president.) Servant: (Back at the mission) You did it, Lord Obama! YOU DID IT! Obama: Of curse, dah. Uhhh... he was out of his depth anyway. (Back at the Johnson's mansion.) Servant: Well... boss is dead, I fear. Sad. The US Marshal, Randolph Knox: SHUT IT! Had you not have brought him the file he could've still be alive! Obama isn't the president anymore anyway - why should he bother fighting him? Servant: So its my fault? Johnson wasn't the president anymore either. Knox: Still ur own fuaking fault! *Gets out his revolver and shoots servant down, dies instantly* Fuaking worthless yuman being! Killing our leaders n' such. Bush,_Osama,_Obama.gif|Your winner is right in the middle. The winner's theme song Category:Cougar's Battles Category:Death Battles